Top ??

Yes I use myspace and facebook, but the Top Friends feature on there seems incomplete as not all of my dearest friends are not on there. So here is my homage to my top however many come to mind tonight.

1) EAR - I know you're swamped traveling the country hunting down the perfect program for your residency, but you will find it. You will survive residency. You will remain my best of friend for all of time.

2) The Original KDM - We've always had some sort of strange intergenerational sibling bond that I'm quite fond of. Even much more so now that I have matured a bit. I mean you still have and will continue to have nearly 14 years on me, but I won't hold that against you for too much longer.

3) Penland Roomie - We have completely lost contact and that saddens me. You were the only one of my friends during the time I was coming out at Big Baptist U that didn't change one single part of our dynamic. Maybe it's because we were forced to live with each other that we couldn't let it get weird, but I remember the good times and hope you are doing well.

4) Re - We survived working in the bomb shelter, chihuahua like managers, Dr. Evil bald managers, and the transition into an entirely new city for me and possibly for you soon as well. I hope our friendship continues to grow.

5) Current Roomie - I still don't like your boyfriend, I think you could do SO much better, but that's not my place. I miss having you at home and just chilling and doing stuff together. We didn't spend nearly enough time outdoors this summer.

6) Mal - I think you might find yourself surprised to find yourself on this list, but you shouldn't. You were the first person I knew I could trust with my deepest of worries, for that I shall forever be grateful.

7) Matt - Who knew that 5 years could make you realize you could become friends with someone you had figured you'd always be like oil and water around. Thank you for trusting me with some of your secrets and concerns. I never want to tell you how to do anything in your life, but I know it's always nice to get someone's opinion and I'm glad you at least ask for mine.

8) Mer - Wow... I feel like there is so much I want to share with you right now, but I just can't bring myself to add anything else to your plate at the moment. Good news is that it can wait awhile and we'll have plenty of time to discuss amongst ourselves then.

9) Original S&P - I know you probably will never read this, but I really need to thank you for filling a gap that I guess I so desperately needed, but was so unaware was there. You will always be my Austin Momma.

10) Brother - Thank you for coming to see me in the hospital. I think that was the first time we ever sat down and simply talked as adults. Glad to see you turned out alright ;-)

For now this is it, I'm actually struck by some of those that came to mind, but where I am right now these are the most important people I have or have had in my life and I just needed to let them know.

People, People Who Need People

People are essentially the same everywhere. Granted I'm limiting the context of this discussion to Americans, but really we are. Over the weekend I hung out with my friend from undergrad who's now at law school at UT. We had lunch, talked about life, got caught up, walked around the lake, and then we went to a party mostly of law students. The reason this all hit me was because of the conversations my friend and I had about people in our lives and what all is going on. I was sitting on the porch, sipping on my tonic and lime and was hit with the realization as another law student showed up dressed as Quail Man from the cartoon Doug, people really are the same everywhere. Every group has the annoying guy that gets drunk and loud. The couple that must be attached at the hip via Velcro. The shy nice guy that really wants to get the nerves to ask out the girl he's been attracted to the past 3 years of school together. The amateur expert that, although has no actual experience in the topic of discussion is still going to insist that her limited world view is a completely more logical argument that those that are learned in said areas of study or occupation. The list goes on.

Why this strikes me so right now is I'm really starting to like the boy from choir. He's adorable, sweet, has such a compassionate heart, and I shall end here for the list just continues to grow and I could crash the server if I expounded on all the things that make him wonderful. He's the perfect guy for me, but how am I for him? Normally at this point I would do something completely idiotic to sabotage any chance of a true relationship forming, but not this time. We shall continue to grow as friends and I will create no plan of contingency for what if he does or doesn't like me that way. We have plenty in common to become true friends and I hold those very close to my heart as I don't let many inside of the walls. My question for those of you who were at parties this weekend, socializing with all sorts of new people...I've read how you've "made new friends"...how is that possible in such a short amount of time? I won't call someone my friend until we've made each other happy and sad, cry from pain and cry from being curled up in the fetal position on the floor laughing together, hopped in the car and just drove somewhere to have some fun, shared a meal and a little part of ourselves that we guard so very closely. I guess this means while people can behave so similarly at times, we also need those who have those differences that we admire.

Can it really be called work?

I think I'm actually in some sort of indentured servitude right now. I have no desk, they gave it, my extension and account set to the guy who took them over when they didn't know how long I'd be out. So for the next two weeks until the new quarter starts I'm hunting for new accounts. I live in a land of Excel and Hoover's. They actually let me talk to customers today since we aren't making our number for the month... Here I am to save the day! You can call me Underdog.

Changes

So tomorrow it will be a full month since I have been to work. I've been sick. Spent a week in the hospital, but I'm better now. Just waiting on the doctor to say it's ok and I'll be heading back to the daily grind, but not without making some changes in my habits. I've lost about 10 lbs. since getting ill, but the good news is that I needed it and I've been doing it the right way. I cut out eating out. I treated myself to PF Chang's one night and to a burger another night. I think only eating out twice in a month is progress. I was wasting so much money.

I'm going a little stir crazy so I'm also looking forward to when I can get active again. Doc said it probably won't be for another 2-3 weeks, but I can wait. I found a great yoga studio that's in this part of town finally. My gym membership is still active and I think I'll stay there since I don't want to see my co-workers at the facilities there all the time, I spend enough time at the office already. (you know when I'm actually working)

My house is cleaner than it's ever been in my entire life and it has stayed that way... it's wonderful. My mother will not believe it is me typing this, but I suddenly care about a clean house. I think it's because the state of my house is something I can control. I've felt like I haven't been the one in control of my life since getting sick. So there's the update. I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but my therapist says I need to journal and this seems like one of those outlets I have to get things off my chest. I've always lived by the motto that everything happens for a reason. It's true... I'll get past this and will hopefully be a better stronger person from it all.

stubble yes, shaggy no

Nate Berkus needs to shave! At least by the end of the show it looks like his luggage had arrived and he was nice and semi-shorn for the big reveal. Oprah, be a friend, tell a gay boy when he's looking rough. I still heart you Nate, but don't hide that wonderful jaw line under a shaggy mess.

What will Ted's husband think of this?

So yes I watched the finale, but that was it... Favorite moment that shall remain a classic in my mind. Ted Allen from Queer Eye saying to Dale the gay boy from Chi-town, "Dale you are one decadent boy."

Bow-Chik-a-Waou-Waou

And isn't that pic of Dale just too cute, the coy smile as he lovingly prepares a fresh meal for you to get your strength back after a wild of passionate horizontal mambo...HEY a guy can dream ok!

Sick & Twisted? Yes please!

One year for my birthday while I was still up in Waco for school, I took a weekend trip down to Austin to hang out with some friends I had made through a now non-existent, but really cool chat website wbs. We did dinner and the bars the first night. On the second night I was taken on my first trip to the Alamo Drafthouse to see Spike & Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation. One of my favorite films from that night was Rejected by Don Hertzfeldt.

Rejected by Don Hertzfeldt

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I just ran across this gem and decided I should share it with others. This past year there was one particularly disturbing film called Chirpy, if anyone knows where this is posted online please let me know...I need to disturb some of my friends that didn't attend with me this past year. It usually returns every year around my birthday, if you're in Austin in January join us!

Geeks are sexy

Sorry for my extended absence. I recently spent a week in the hospital getting over a rather nasty case of pneumonia. Still stuck a home for a bit longer until I'm all better. Since I'm stuck at home I've been watching way too much TV for any sane person and I've come to some realizations. Daytime TV sucks. The morning shows are boring, talk shows are lame, and none of the cartoons from my youth play on the tens of children's channels I have. The good thing is that since it's premier season I've been DVRing every show I think I might want to watch to give them all a fighting chance and watching them during the day. Then I will decide upon which ones I shall commit for the season and which I will put off until re-runs.


I have a bit of a crush on Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. I think this mainly stems from the fact that his dry, quick, sarcastic humor mirrors that of the cute man I know and want to get to know better from the choir.

I was able to return to choir practice tonight. I didn't actually sing all that much, but I was able to mark my score and get more familiar with the pieces. I'm used to always memorizing my music and I think they usually don't do that here, but just so I'm most comfortable I want everything in my memory.

You probably don't know, but back when I was at the Big Baptist University I went to an evangelical church...some might call it a cult, but without the castrations and mass suicides. Once they found out about my homosexual proclivity (and the fact I was living with my boyfriend at the time) they quit inviting me to functions and what not. I was essentially kicked out, but never told in so many words we don't want you here. Their actions were loud and clear. I attempted to attend a few other churches in the area and it went OK, but I was just not comfortable anywhere I went. I need to figure out my own faith and beliefs, not someone else's. Since that time I've called myself a protestant-agnostic. There's some sort of being out there and s/he may or may not have any direct interaction with my life. This all leads up to the fact (and I have Hottie Engineering guy to thank for this) that I'm more comfortable with the thought of attending an organized religious service. Nothing any near where I was at school or growing up in Houston, but something that incorporates more spirituality than dogma. The church the choir practices in seems to have this. They are a reconciling Methodist congregation. I think mom and dad would be happy with this as they were themselves Methodist until they fell off the wagon and joined the crazy people. So I'm going to head to church this Sunday. Wish me luck.

It's slightly creepy

So You Think You Can Dance has been one of my vices this summer. I'm so happy with the winner! She's just so cute, spunky, and good. Sabra they say started dancing just 4 years ago. It's a great motivation for me to actually consider taking that big step towards self employment. (Don't worry it's not happening yet).

As I watched the show tonight I was hit with this fantastic, yet ridiculous and astonishing realization. Mia Michaels is a living incarnation of Janice, the lead guitarist on the Muppet Show... no really, look at it. There was one moment on the show tonight where their lips looked just alike... *chills run down my spine*

Damn right I'm happy

I got concerned the other day when I was with my friend MJ and she told me that after reading my blog she was saddened by it. That things weren't going well for me. This means a lot coming from a person that I went to 5 years of college with and is currently undergoing chemotherapy, and I'm having a bad run of it?

Then today I got into an even deeper conversation with the Hottie Engineering Guy, also someone I was in undergrad with. HEG came out to some his family while we were still at the big old Baptist university, but also decided to go through the Exodus program so he could be an "ex-gay." Needless to say it didn't quite work and he's dealing with full on coming out this many years later. I had no idea some of the rough times he went through with that entire process. I am blessed to have come out when I did, built up a strong support network of friends while my family was dealing with it, and in the end to have a family that while doesn't fully understand me does love me without condition or hesitation.

So with realizing I've got it pretty good I'm going to attempt to be a little more optimistic. I mean I still have my Marc (he's the cat in case anyone though my love life had magically improved), my friends, my home, and my new job. I have a ton of stuff to be excited about. I found a great new hobby in rowing that makes me feel good about myself and helps strengthen my body. Starting next Monday I return to one of the other loves of my life when I join Capital City Men's Chorus, they're going to Miami next year; I'm already starting to save up for it! I will still bitch about work because this new position is intense, but at least I'm the one in control there and not other people. So glad to be back and you're damn right, I'm happy!

For my fellow nerds.

Now that Stargate SG-1 is over (Michael Shanks.... mmmm he's yummy, I'll miss him), I've come to fall in love with Eureka this season. If you haven't seen it yet I would recommend that you start! I watched the first season and was slightly disappointed in how it seemed to drag on a bit, but now that the characters have been established they can finally get along with the story. Also, there are cute boys all over the place! You'll possibly see a few of them on Pretend Boyfriend Friday.

Back from Houston

Sorry for my absence and lack of warning, but I got back from my friend's wedding in Houston today. Some strange stuff happened, which I will discuss on here once I make a decision how much of it I want to broadcast to the world where the people involved might see it and see my true thoughts. The reason I put that disclaimer is that I'm a pretty guarded person and rarely let people into my inner sanctum. It's the most probable reason I'm still single. Should I start sharing that private side of myself. Will opening up to people allow me better relationships, or will be fears be realized and the moment I open up I get crushed. Only time will tell.

Hello Again

Here's a quick ditty for all of the lovely people I quite fortunately and randomly found/stumbled upon/stalked on this great world wide web today. (click the frog)

Pretend Boyfriend Friday #4

I'm not sure when it happened, but this boy got cute. I went and saw Transformers (best TV adaptation/comic movie EVER made, can't wait for a sequel, honestly) with the 30 Year-Old Virgin (coworker and friend, oh the stories I could tell about him, and should on here!) the other night. While Josh Duhamel is a total hottie, there is something to be said about being cute, funny, and not afraid to stand up to a 50 foot evil robot from another planet. Interesting facts about him: celebrates Christmas and Hanukkah (I agree with Darrin), only child, attended a magnet school, and he started doing stand up comedy as a child. He's also filming the next Indiana Jones film, can't wait to see that one too! And for those who care there are details on another film of his where you get to see his tush here.

5 Year Old Wisdom

Went out with The Girls to celebrate Cheryl's birthday. The Girls consist of 3 female coworkers, one of their friends who I adore, and me. Jody is the mother hen, being that she's had the most birthdays out of all of us, but lucky thing looks not a day past 25. Her 5 year old son has to be one of the wittiest people on the planet. The kid has a gift and the comic timing to endear himself to anyone. I was a nanny at one point in my life. From that experience I realized that because of who they are children have an amazing ability to see the world much more accurately than our brains full of bias. So I would like to impart with you his wisdom.

The 5 Stages of a Relationship:

1. You become friends.
2. You hold hands.
3. You kiss.
4. You have a sleepover.
5. You have cereal together.

PBF Make-up Vid

I know I missed Pretend Boyfriend Friday, but I just saw this...thanks to Donnie. If any of my friends ever wonder about my type here is yet another prime example, please note at the point where he makes the funny faces with about 2 minutes left to go he stops and has the CUTEST smile ever! That so makes me melt...and if I ever find out who's setting off firecrackers in my apartment complex I will sic Marc on you...he only looks sweet and innocent, when instructed he is a lean, mean, fighting machine.

Back to the daily grind, with upgrades

I'm going back to work! YEA! I'm so tired of being couped up in this apartment with nothing to do.

I have been out of commission starting on last Monday. Hence why I didn't post a darn thing or have PBF up and running (I will resume this Friday). Today was the first day I made it without having to take anything to get me through the day. This is a very good sign since from last Monday evening on I was either hopped up on steroids or knocked out from anti-histamines, or both at the same time which is no fun either! I have spent enough time with doctors to last me at least a few months. This will shock Roomie, as she knows I will head to the doctor if I can't get a hangnail to go away. That's what good insurance is for, plus they give you the good stuff when you go, but alas I don't want any good stuff anywhere near me for a very long time.

I have decided to take a more natural approach to life. Don't worry for those of you who know me I will still continue with what is necessary for my survival, but I am going to join the rowing club and row at least 2-3 times a week. I have found some yoga classes and will be doing those 2 times a week. I found a new therapist and will be seeing him, getting a massage, getting a pedicure, and getting a manicure once a month each (see how convenient there are about 4 weeks a month I'll just rotate which one I do each week). I'm also buying a bike! (Don't worry mom, if you ever read this it isn't the kind that has a motor)

I will only head out to the bars when I have my MP with me, because I have fun with her and she's going to be good luck one of these days I can feel it.

Come August I'm going to join the gay men's chorus here in Austin, there was at least one cute guy that walked with them in pride parade and I can't let him be all alone! And I miss singing dearly and it should be a great way to get back into vocal shape. That will round out my weekly activities, leaving just enough for work, friends on evenings and weekends and a wee bit of travel!

Watch out Austin there's a new Spoonman on the loose!

Pretend Boyfriend Friday #3

Over the weekend I saw that there were running a marathon of Kyle XY. There was room on my DVR so I grabbed it. Glad I did for two reasons. First I had something to watch while I was stuck at home with a migrane half of the week. Second I met my latest Pretend Boyfriend. I like this one so much he's made it into Future Ex-husband status. Those light eyes, bright smile, fun hair, I even like the stubble...ahhh, he's dreamy. I was also lucky enough to find the post at the bottom, there's hope that he might be gay. Matt if you find this and would like to move to Austin with all of the other really cool actor people let me know, I'll make room for you!






Blu Cantrell is dating Kyle "KY" Matt Dallas and is playing the role as his beard Bossip has learned. Speculation is that Matt Dallas from the new show Kyle XY is gay and has recently handcuffed attention-seeking Blue Cantrell to put off rumors. These two just don't look right and it has nothing to do with race. Funny how he doesn't say he is dating her, he was going around all week introducing Cantrell as his girlfriend, that quick buddy? The two have only known each other for a couple weeks according to sources.

Pretend Boyfriend Friday

This past weekend was the Pride Parade in Austin. This Saturday is the Pride Festival, I think I shall attend, but the real treat was the hotties in town from Houston. If I was still in that town I'd be trying hard to turn him from Pretend Boyfriend to real Boyfriend!

Pretend Boyfriend Friday

Eli Roth is yummy! So horror movies aren't really my favorite, but there is just something sexy about this man. Very infections smile. *sigh*