Top ??

Yes I use myspace and facebook, but the Top Friends feature on there seems incomplete as not all of my dearest friends are not on there. So here is my homage to my top however many come to mind tonight.

1) EAR - I know you're swamped traveling the country hunting down the perfect program for your residency, but you will find it. You will survive residency. You will remain my best of friend for all of time.

2) The Original KDM - We've always had some sort of strange intergenerational sibling bond that I'm quite fond of. Even much more so now that I have matured a bit. I mean you still have and will continue to have nearly 14 years on me, but I won't hold that against you for too much longer.

3) Penland Roomie - We have completely lost contact and that saddens me. You were the only one of my friends during the time I was coming out at Big Baptist U that didn't change one single part of our dynamic. Maybe it's because we were forced to live with each other that we couldn't let it get weird, but I remember the good times and hope you are doing well.

4) Re - We survived working in the bomb shelter, chihuahua like managers, Dr. Evil bald managers, and the transition into an entirely new city for me and possibly for you soon as well. I hope our friendship continues to grow.

5) Current Roomie - I still don't like your boyfriend, I think you could do SO much better, but that's not my place. I miss having you at home and just chilling and doing stuff together. We didn't spend nearly enough time outdoors this summer.

6) Mal - I think you might find yourself surprised to find yourself on this list, but you shouldn't. You were the first person I knew I could trust with my deepest of worries, for that I shall forever be grateful.

7) Matt - Who knew that 5 years could make you realize you could become friends with someone you had figured you'd always be like oil and water around. Thank you for trusting me with some of your secrets and concerns. I never want to tell you how to do anything in your life, but I know it's always nice to get someone's opinion and I'm glad you at least ask for mine.

8) Mer - Wow... I feel like there is so much I want to share with you right now, but I just can't bring myself to add anything else to your plate at the moment. Good news is that it can wait awhile and we'll have plenty of time to discuss amongst ourselves then.

9) Original S&P - I know you probably will never read this, but I really need to thank you for filling a gap that I guess I so desperately needed, but was so unaware was there. You will always be my Austin Momma.

10) Brother - Thank you for coming to see me in the hospital. I think that was the first time we ever sat down and simply talked as adults. Glad to see you turned out alright ;-)

For now this is it, I'm actually struck by some of those that came to mind, but where I am right now these are the most important people I have or have had in my life and I just needed to let them know.

People, People Who Need People

People are essentially the same everywhere. Granted I'm limiting the context of this discussion to Americans, but really we are. Over the weekend I hung out with my friend from undergrad who's now at law school at UT. We had lunch, talked about life, got caught up, walked around the lake, and then we went to a party mostly of law students. The reason this all hit me was because of the conversations my friend and I had about people in our lives and what all is going on. I was sitting on the porch, sipping on my tonic and lime and was hit with the realization as another law student showed up dressed as Quail Man from the cartoon Doug, people really are the same everywhere. Every group has the annoying guy that gets drunk and loud. The couple that must be attached at the hip via Velcro. The shy nice guy that really wants to get the nerves to ask out the girl he's been attracted to the past 3 years of school together. The amateur expert that, although has no actual experience in the topic of discussion is still going to insist that her limited world view is a completely more logical argument that those that are learned in said areas of study or occupation. The list goes on.

Why this strikes me so right now is I'm really starting to like the boy from choir. He's adorable, sweet, has such a compassionate heart, and I shall end here for the list just continues to grow and I could crash the server if I expounded on all the things that make him wonderful. He's the perfect guy for me, but how am I for him? Normally at this point I would do something completely idiotic to sabotage any chance of a true relationship forming, but not this time. We shall continue to grow as friends and I will create no plan of contingency for what if he does or doesn't like me that way. We have plenty in common to become true friends and I hold those very close to my heart as I don't let many inside of the walls. My question for those of you who were at parties this weekend, socializing with all sorts of new people...I've read how you've "made new friends"...how is that possible in such a short amount of time? I won't call someone my friend until we've made each other happy and sad, cry from pain and cry from being curled up in the fetal position on the floor laughing together, hopped in the car and just drove somewhere to have some fun, shared a meal and a little part of ourselves that we guard so very closely. I guess this means while people can behave so similarly at times, we also need those who have those differences that we admire.

Changes

So tomorrow it will be a full month since I have been to work. I've been sick. Spent a week in the hospital, but I'm better now. Just waiting on the doctor to say it's ok and I'll be heading back to the daily grind, but not without making some changes in my habits. I've lost about 10 lbs. since getting ill, but the good news is that I needed it and I've been doing it the right way. I cut out eating out. I treated myself to PF Chang's one night and to a burger another night. I think only eating out twice in a month is progress. I was wasting so much money.

I'm going a little stir crazy so I'm also looking forward to when I can get active again. Doc said it probably won't be for another 2-3 weeks, but I can wait. I found a great yoga studio that's in this part of town finally. My gym membership is still active and I think I'll stay there since I don't want to see my co-workers at the facilities there all the time, I spend enough time at the office already. (you know when I'm actually working)

My house is cleaner than it's ever been in my entire life and it has stayed that way... it's wonderful. My mother will not believe it is me typing this, but I suddenly care about a clean house. I think it's because the state of my house is something I can control. I've felt like I haven't been the one in control of my life since getting sick. So there's the update. I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but my therapist says I need to journal and this seems like one of those outlets I have to get things off my chest. I've always lived by the motto that everything happens for a reason. It's true... I'll get past this and will hopefully be a better stronger person from it all.

Damn right I'm happy

I got concerned the other day when I was with my friend MJ and she told me that after reading my blog she was saddened by it. That things weren't going well for me. This means a lot coming from a person that I went to 5 years of college with and is currently undergoing chemotherapy, and I'm having a bad run of it?

Then today I got into an even deeper conversation with the Hottie Engineering Guy, also someone I was in undergrad with. HEG came out to some his family while we were still at the big old Baptist university, but also decided to go through the Exodus program so he could be an "ex-gay." Needless to say it didn't quite work and he's dealing with full on coming out this many years later. I had no idea some of the rough times he went through with that entire process. I am blessed to have come out when I did, built up a strong support network of friends while my family was dealing with it, and in the end to have a family that while doesn't fully understand me does love me without condition or hesitation.

So with realizing I've got it pretty good I'm going to attempt to be a little more optimistic. I mean I still have my Marc (he's the cat in case anyone though my love life had magically improved), my friends, my home, and my new job. I have a ton of stuff to be excited about. I found a great new hobby in rowing that makes me feel good about myself and helps strengthen my body. Starting next Monday I return to one of the other loves of my life when I join Capital City Men's Chorus, they're going to Miami next year; I'm already starting to save up for it! I will still bitch about work because this new position is intense, but at least I'm the one in control there and not other people. So glad to be back and you're damn right, I'm happy!

Back from Houston

Sorry for my absence and lack of warning, but I got back from my friend's wedding in Houston today. Some strange stuff happened, which I will discuss on here once I make a decision how much of it I want to broadcast to the world where the people involved might see it and see my true thoughts. The reason I put that disclaimer is that I'm a pretty guarded person and rarely let people into my inner sanctum. It's the most probable reason I'm still single. Should I start sharing that private side of myself. Will opening up to people allow me better relationships, or will be fears be realized and the moment I open up I get crushed. Only time will tell.

Back to the daily grind, with upgrades

I'm going back to work! YEA! I'm so tired of being couped up in this apartment with nothing to do.

I have been out of commission starting on last Monday. Hence why I didn't post a darn thing or have PBF up and running (I will resume this Friday). Today was the first day I made it without having to take anything to get me through the day. This is a very good sign since from last Monday evening on I was either hopped up on steroids or knocked out from anti-histamines, or both at the same time which is no fun either! I have spent enough time with doctors to last me at least a few months. This will shock Roomie, as she knows I will head to the doctor if I can't get a hangnail to go away. That's what good insurance is for, plus they give you the good stuff when you go, but alas I don't want any good stuff anywhere near me for a very long time.

I have decided to take a more natural approach to life. Don't worry for those of you who know me I will still continue with what is necessary for my survival, but I am going to join the rowing club and row at least 2-3 times a week. I have found some yoga classes and will be doing those 2 times a week. I found a new therapist and will be seeing him, getting a massage, getting a pedicure, and getting a manicure once a month each (see how convenient there are about 4 weeks a month I'll just rotate which one I do each week). I'm also buying a bike! (Don't worry mom, if you ever read this it isn't the kind that has a motor)

I will only head out to the bars when I have my MP with me, because I have fun with her and she's going to be good luck one of these days I can feel it.

Come August I'm going to join the gay men's chorus here in Austin, there was at least one cute guy that walked with them in pride parade and I can't let him be all alone! And I miss singing dearly and it should be a great way to get back into vocal shape. That will round out my weekly activities, leaving just enough for work, friends on evenings and weekends and a wee bit of travel!

Watch out Austin there's a new Spoonman on the loose!

What the hell happened to...

The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee? Somewhere in the last 10 years he's become an anorexic thug with no fashion sense and a couple of strange friends. Now the friends I don't mind, it always bothered me he didn't seem to have any bee friends around, he was always with people telling us to stay healthy with that multi grain goodness. In his older commercials he looked like this:

See he looks healthy and happy. Unlike the new guy:

Look at him, his antenna are all perky and have shiny new balls on them and he's all digitized...seeing him all different just makes me feel older than I want to feel.

Welcome one, welcome...all?

Will anyone see this? Maybe eventually, but I wanted to make my mark on the net. Maybe give my perspective if anyone wants to read it or just give myself the outlet I need. So let's do the introductions...I'm Kyle aka Spoonman. It's actually a nickname from high school...it's a long uneventful story, but needless to say I decided not to fight the "popular" guys when they started to call me by it and then they stopped and I'm wondering what's the point of a nickname if no one actually uses it, but it's the one I've had that's the most attention grabbing.

My favorite nickname I got was from my friends in college... Mel decided to give everyone new names if their current one didn't fit. I was too "bubbly" for the plain old Kyle...so I became Kee-Lai. There have been multiple spellings of the name such as: Key-Lay, KiLei, or when someone was very excited to see me KEEEEEEEEEEE-LAAAAAAAY. Needless to say I haven't found myself getting that sort of reaction from anyone in a long time...kinda miss it...I also miss those friends from college. I only get to see a few on a regular basis. We are the kind of friends that when we do meet back up we pick up right where we left off...get caught up on all of the gossip from everyone else we know. I should plan a reunion in a couple of months...and hey I guess I'll blog it when it happens.

Be Good!

--Kyle