Fear and Loathing

Why am I having such difficulties making new friends in this town. Probably because I'm afraid, I always have been a very shy person. I'm afraid of two things.

#1-I'm at a different point in my life and a lot of the old friends I used to have here don't necessarily fit into my latest plan for my life.

#2-I don't think people will like me, so to avoid rejection I don't put myself out there.

I've always been the type of person to have a close group of 5-10 people in my life that I call my friends. Growing up it was the kids at church who formed this group. High school I had choir and classmates. At Baylor I had BIC and a few of the activities I was in, but mostly it was the BICers. At work in Waco I originally had co-workers, but as I became a manager there I had to end some relationships to protect my job and theirs.

I haven't surounded myself with people I really trust in awhile and that's what's really starting to bother me. With Nana getting hurt I was forced to think... If I became sick or in an accident, who would show up to comfort me? I realize whatever differences I might have with my family that they would all be there. Out of all of those people I knew growing up through working now who would show up? I have my list of those that I know for sure would be there if it was at all possible and it's good to know deep down they are there for me, but my immediate concern is for here and now... in Austin, who are my friends? There are some I know for sure and others that are growing on me, I'm slow to trust people nowadays.

I probably should stop spending every weekend I can at home alone doing nothing and get out there...it's just kinda scary. Everything happens for a reason, but if you don't go do something nothing happens and that's bad...real bad. So I shall go out with new people from work and make more of the friendships I have started in this new job. I'm going to give some of the people from Austin I knew before the benefit of the doubt knowing we can form a new deeper type of friendship than the one we had when I was still living in Waco. I'll be a happier person overall. I'm looking forward to that.